Ryan Shook

This is one of my favorite family stories my Dad tells because it illustrates the compassionate heart he has and the great example I try to follow. It’s from a sermon he did in 2010 called The Power of Wise Words.
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    This Christmas all my kids were home, out of school.  We spent a lot together and had a great time, going to get coffee or going to dinner or just hanging out, but there was one night when one of my sons came in, and I was working on the Christmas Eve message and trying to wrap it all up.  When I work on a message or I’m doing something at work, I just kind of zone in.  I also do that when I drive; I kind of zone out.  Sometimes I’ll end up somewhere and go, “How did I get here?” I didn’t even remember that.”  I was just focused on some creative moment, something I felt like was coming from God, an inspiration.  So I was really zoned out that night, really into the message, and my son came in and said, “Hey Dad.  How’s it going?”, and he kind of came over to me to connect with me, and I said, “Oh, it’s going great.”  I didn’t lift up my head.  I said, “Just working on a message.” He went on.  I didn’t think much of it.

  The next day we were driving up here for the dress rehearsal for the Christmas Eve service, as the Christmas Eve services were starting that night. We were running late, so we were rushing, but he was in the car with me, and it was just he and I. He said, “Dad, I’ve got to tell you something that’s on my mind.”  He said, “Yesterday when I came in and you were working on the message and I said to you ‘Dad, how are doing and everything?’  You didn’t even look up. You were just so into it.  You didn’t even stop, and you didn’t even connect with me, and it makes me feel unimportant when you do that, and it makes me feel like you care more about church and work than you do about me, because you don’t even stop to connect.”  I got real defensive at first.  I said, “What?  I mean, we’ve been together all Christmas break, and we’ve been having so much fun.  You know, just constantly doing different things, and I just had to spend a little time finishing up my message right there.”  He said, “I know.  I get all that, Dad.  You’re the greatest Dad in the world, and you’re amazing. You’re always there for me, but”, he said, “sometimes, you know, when you are really into something, you don’t stop, and it’s like your family is not important enough for you to stop and connect.”  And he said, “I just don’t want to settle in my relationship with you.”

    God opened my eyes and heart at that very moment, and I was able to see him, his brothers and sister as little children coming up to me, tugging on my leg as maybe I was talking to someone at church or tugging on my leg as I was working on a sermon and tugging on my leg as maybe I was on phone talking to someone important, and I would go “Oh, just a minute.  I’ll be… just hold on… just hold on… I’ll be right there.  We will really connect.  Just hold on.”  And my heart was just broken at that moment.  I could just see how so many times I had done that, and how that reminded him back of some of those times.  I’ve come a long way since then, but it just really hit me hard.  Tears started to come, but being a man, and I don’t cry, I sucked it up.  Sucked it up, and then I realized, I need to reveal my heart, and so I did what I felt like doing.  Tears started to flow.  And that’s when he said, “Dad… oh, Dad… you’re the greatest Dad in the world.  You are better than all the Dads of my friends, you’re awesome.  You’re just amazing.”  He said, “I just don’t want to settle with you, because I love you so much.”  And it was a great talk and a great connection, because first he cared enough to confront, and it made me realize, man I’ve still got a long way to go. 

    I don’t have this figured out at all, but I’m so thankful I have a son, and I have sons and a daughter who care enough.  They confront and say, “I don’t like this, and I’m not going to settle.  I’m not going to settle in our relationship.”  And then I was able to reveal my heart.  When you care enough to confront and you reveal your heart, amazing things happen with your words.  Amazing breakthroughs take place, but I have to have a heart of truth.